Dear xanga,
First and foremost i would like to take this time to experess the regret i have for neglecting you over the past few months... and i appologize with my upmost sorrow. I hope you can forgive me for being a myspace whore, which has absolutly no value what-so-ever.... but it is pretty neat...
anyways... how have you been? I've missed you. yeah.... i donno let's see what you've missed in my umm.... life for the past three months.
1. School.
-yes, much different than last year. i guess most of that reason is the fact that i'm not playing highschool soccer... which is a good thing and a bad thing too. yeah i really dont miss feeling dirty all day because i didnt have time to take a shower after practice in the morning, but i miss seeing all my soccer friends and hanging out with them at school. I deffinatly dont miss some of the ridiculus things we had to do... but when season starts i'll be wishing i was out there on the field. who knows....i think it was a good decision on my part. and i believe that due to the fact that im not playing soccer at school anymore, my grades are much better. that and also i realized that i screwed around my whole freshman year and i gota come back from that. but yes... for the most part school is good. minus physics.
2. Soccer\
- bahhhhh. I discovered that soccer is the one thing that keeps me going throughout the week. For those of you who are reading this ( which probably isint many since i abandoned xanga) thinking "well you just said you quit soccer", no... i deffinatly did not quit soccer. HIghschool soccer is basically shit soccer on the scheme of things. Because you can't choose people from around the metroplex like you can from highschool, it is much less compeditive and besides, college coaches could give a damn about it. bad bad bad. but anyways soccer keeps me going. besides that fact that most of my good friends are on my team, and my coach is basically one of the coolest guys ever, it's my passion. I play soccer probably 5 times a week, somethimes more, sometimes less. right now im in the middle of having four tournaments in a row, and two of them are showcase tourneys so i gota' write college letters to coaches. and im not really looking forward to it. but oh well. gota do what you gota do. Basically to sum up my feelings about soccer:
"it's my tackelin' fuel"
- waterboy.
3. Loveeeee
bryan rose.
enough about that.
4. My Walk With Christ.
- well. where do i begin. Story time.
at the beginning on the year i was hell bent on christ. pinecove is the biggest contributing factor. I surrounded myself with other people who were diving in the ocean ( and for those of you who have no idea what im talking about... look through my entries about diving in... and pinecove. you'll get it... and maybe learn something too) and i was infatuated with that idea. i kept in touch with my camp friends, read the bible daily, and put pinecove music on while i was in my room and danced around in my underwear screaming at the top of my lungs... attractive right? i thought so too. I was barbaric for jesus. fighting the fight...and kicking ass. Then life came back, i told myself i wasn't going to slip back into my old ways, and that god was my number one. I guess school was a big part of me totally being blinded from christ. it got so bad to a point where i totally turned away from everything i had ever known about christainity and basically said, "Hey, screw you God i'm doing this myself." i stopped reading my bible, stopped dancing around, and stopped spreading the word.
and let me tell you. my life became unbelievably dull and meaningless... although i didnt know it at the time.
a few of my friends noticed the lifestyle i was slipping into and tried to help me. but i wanted no part of it. it was almost as if i didnt want to accept the fact that i had strayed, and i was so ashamed of what i was becoming that i didnt want to face god and say "i need you more than anything right now. help me find myself god."
i was being stubborn.
stubborn and god dont mix. and i wouldnt reccomend trying it. the past three months were the darkest, lonliest months of my life.... and just recently i have welcomed god back into my life... and am starting to get back on track with my walk with him.
it's probably the best feeling in the world.
thats all for now.
live, love, learn.
-courtney.
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